How Does Email Therapy Work?

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Face-to-face therapy doesn't appeal to everyone. 

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Time to think

Email counseling works well for people who like space and time to find their words. It can feel less intense, with less pressure in the moment to think and speak of what brings you to therapy. You may be someone like me who processes your thoughts and words at a slower pace. You may be someone who enjoys writing more than speaking. You may like the freedom of choosing when to take the time to write your session. You may struggle with expressing emotion in the presence of another, like many of us who experienced childhood emotional neglect trauma.

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Anonymity

For people who are uncomfortable with being physically seen by their therapist, email counseling works really well. You can show yourself in a different way without the intensity of eye contact. With writing, you have space to choose, to pause, to walk away for a moment or more, to return when you feel ready. As with any form of counseling/coaching, setting boundaries is important. The counselor and/or coach and client agree on a day for emails to be sent and received. We both need to know the ‘rules’, for example, you send to me by 6 pm on a Monday, and I reply by 6 pm on a Wednesday. I recommend that you choose a quiet, private space and that you give yourself this time as a priority. I ask that you ‘turn up’ for the session just as you would for a physical appointment.

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Developing a therapeutic relationship

You explore yourself just as you would in the counseling room, and you have support in doing this. The working relationship with your email counselor or coach develops over time, just as it does face-to-face or via video counseling. My responses will encourage further thought, will ask how it feels, and will say what I see, in a gentle, encouraging manner. 

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I’ll keep the focus on you, be an ally, and guide you to find the answers that fit for you. I will say if I think you are being hard on yourself. I will encourage you to recognize, accept, and express whatever feelings you have. 

I will suggest that you look for ways to care for and be kind to yourself. I help you see the choices that you do have. You are still in charge of ‘where we go’, and what we focus on, and you may find yourself able to say exactly how you feel about the situations and behaviors that are really troubling you.

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How we work

We still meet weekly, just in a different way. You send your words on our agreed day of the week. You will receive my supportive response on the day we have arranged (usually two days later). This gives you time to read and reflect before writing the following week’s words.

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When we choose to work together using email exchange, I ask that the first email be up to 1000 words long. I explain that you can spend as long as you wish putting your words down. You can write and send, or you can write, walk away, come back, add, consider, and then send. We will have agreed in advance on a day to send and a day for my response. I will spend an hour writing my detailed response. That’s the reason for the word limit. Of course, you may write more, you may start and not want to stop the flow. That’s ok, keep it all for yourself and choose which of your paragraphs feel most important to share and send. You may find that 500 words is enough, and that’s OK too.

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For some people, email counseling is a stepping stone in preparing the way for face-to-face or video sessions. Others complete their therapeutic journey via the written word, appreciating the progress made without ever seeing the face of, or hearing the sound of, their counsellor’s voice. This method is perfect for those who love journaling. Most people find that once they sit and start to write, the words flow like journal writing. The first email might describe your situation or problem and can be cathartic in itself as an outpouring of ‘this is me, this is my life’. It may include ‘this is how I think, and this is how I feel’. There’s no need for correct grammar or fancy words.

 

Some people are more aware of their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors than others. It is my job to be alongside you, the individual that you are, to take in the narrative, to read what you say, and also to notice the tone of the email and the feelings behind the words. I won’t assume. I will always be tentative, just as I am in speech, ‘It sounds like you feel worried about this, is that right?’ or ‘I’m wondering if you are feeling sad here?’ It becomes a conversation. We become a team looking at you, your world, your choices.

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​Keeping track

 

I recommend that we use different colors each week so that we can easily follow the thread of our most recent words. I will label my responses 1, 2, 3, etc. You can use different fonts and sizes to make a point, you can include drawings, photos, diagrams, or anything at all. Equally, you can simply write plainly that there is no right or wrong. We work hard together to make sense of you and your experiences. We can use emojis, and we can SHOUT. You may choose to keep our words forever, as a reminder of what helps you, of your tendencies, and how you found your way back to a more balanced, healthy state. If you need support throughout the week due to a spiral or low-sugar lifestyle food choice, you are welcome to communicate with me through Voxer chats. My clients find both formats pleasurable for their unique schedules and situations. 

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Not for everyone

 

It’s not for everyone. Some people prefer the art of talking. Some people are simply not interested in or familiar with the concept of writing, such as people like us, introverts, and Emapths.  Some prefer a phone or video call, others who are not usually confident writers may be happy as long as we both use the tools that help them read and write well enough to be understood. This is the format I used; it may not be a good fit for you, and that is okay. Do what is best for you.

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Why I like offering email therapy

I am a person who enjoys finding the right words to help each of us understand ourselves. I find writing absorbing and enlightening. As a person-centered counselor, I believe that the relationship that we develop together is key to change and growth. You need to feel safe and comfortable. You need to trust me. As I read your words, I feel attuned with you, connected in an empathic way, that’s me really getting a sense of how you feel. For the hour that I am ‘with you’, I am completely in your world, working hard to notice what you may not see to help you understand yourself well. A weekly email exchange is a powerful way to connect, to be understood, to find the answers that work for you, and to thrive.

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If this sounds like something that you would prefer and enjoy, book a session, and let's begin your journey. 

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When we work together, you will:

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• Get clarity – on where you are and determine where you want to go

• Find out it’s okay not to have all the answers right this second 

• Get out of the overwhelm and into the solution

• Set goals

• Take action with accountability – breaking down the steps to move you in the direction of your goals

• Find out what makes you really, really happy and what’s most important for YOU and YOUR ideal life

• Honor your recovery by discovering the life beyond YOUR wildest dreams

 

My clients are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. They do not need fixing but are looking for someone to partner with to call out their best, most knowledgeable self and hold them accountable as they get into action towards the life they are longing for.

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Please book a Clarity Session for any questions or concerns. I am happy to answer any questions you may have about how we could work together and if this is a good fit for you.

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I’d love to hear from you.

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