A Guide for Support Systems: A Manual for Friends Supporting Someone With an Eating Disorder
- Nikki White
- 3 days ago
- 7 min read
How to support someone with an eating disorder
If you’ve ever Googled how to support someone with an eating disorder, it probably means you care. And you’re scared of saying the wrong thing.
Good. That tells me your heart is in the right place.
The people who helped me recover weren’t perfect. They were steady. They didn’t fix me. They stayed.
Eating disorders thrive in silence, secrecy, and shame. Support systems can either reduce that shame — or accidentally increase it. This manual is here so you can become part of someone’s recovery, not another layer of pressure.
I’m writing this not only as a trauma-informed nutritionist but as a woman who is 10 years in full remission from binge eating disorder. I know what helped. I know what made it worse. And I know how much power one steady person can have.
When someone told me “you look fine,” I stopped talking.Not because they meant harm.But because I learned my pain didn’t qualify.
Let’s break this down clearly.
What Is Binge Eating Disorder?
Binge eating disorder (BED) is the most common eating disorder in the United States. It is characterized by recurrent episodes of eating large amounts of food in a short period of time, accompanied by a feeling of loss of control.
Key features of binge eating disorder:
Eating unusually large quantities of food in one sitting
Feeling unable to stop or control the eating
Eating rapidly
Eating when not physically hungry
Eating alone due to embarrassment
Feeling shame, guilt, or distress afterward
No regular compensatory behaviors (like purging)
This is not “overeating.”This is not “lack of discipline.”
It is a diagnosable mental health condition.
And it often hides in plain sight.
The Five Eating Disorders You Should Know
Understanding the broader landscape matters. Organizations like the National Eating
Disorders Association outline five primary eating disorders…
1. Anorexia Nervosa
Severe restriction of food intake
Intense fear of gaining weight
Distorted body image
Significantly low body weight
2. Bulimia Nervosa
Recurrent binge eating episodes
Followed by compensatory behaviors (vomiting, laxatives, excessive exercise)
Self-worth heavily tied to body shape and weight
3. Binge Eating Disorder
Recurrent binge episodes
No regular purging behaviors
Marked distress around eating
4. Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID)
Restriction of food intake not related to body image
Often linked to sensory sensitivity or fear of consequences like choking
5. Other Specified Feeding or Eating Disorders (OSFED)
Significant eating disorder symptoms that don’t meet full criteria for the above
Every BODY belongs in this conversation. The Every BODY Belongs campaign exists for a reason. Eating disorders do not look one way. They affect people across race, gender, and body size.
How to Spot Binge Eating Disorder
If you’re wondering how to spot signs of binge eating disorder, look at patterns — not isolated moments.
Here’s what to watch for:
Behavioral Signs
Disappearing during gatherings and returning withdrawn
Hiding food wrappers
Frequently eating alone
Ordering large quantities of food secretly
Starting and quitting diets repeatedly
Emotional Signs
Intense shame around food
Mood swings tied to eating episodes
Statements like “I have no control”
Avoiding mirrors or photos
Physical Signs
Fluctuating weight
Gastrointestinal discomfort
Fatigue
Chronic dieting history
Important: Not everyone with binge eating disorder lives in a larger body. That stereotype delays intervention, especially in Black communities and communities of color.
If you notice patterns, approach gently. Not like an investigator. Like an ally.
Why People Don’t “Just Stop”
You might be thinking, “If they hate it so much, why don’t they stop?”
Here’s the truth.
Binge eating often serves a purpose:
Numbing emotional pain
Coping with trauma
Managing anxiety
Filling loneliness
Regulating a dysregulated nervous system
Food becomes fast relief. Predictable comfort. A pause button.
Until it becomes a trap.
You cannot remove someone’s coping mechanism without helping them build new ones.
That’s why support matters.
The Manual for Friends — What to Say
Here’s where we get practical.
If you’re wondering how to support someone with an eating disorder, use language that lowers defenses and increases safety.
Say This Instead:
1. “I’ve noticed you seem stressed around food. I care about you. Do you want to talk?”This opens the door without accusation.
2. “You don’t have to go through this alone.”Isolation feeds eating disorders.
3. “I’m here to listen, not fix.”This reduces pressure.
4. “Would it help if I sat with you during meals sometimes?”Support through presence.
5. “You deserve support for this.”Many people minimize their own suffering.
Short. Direct. Compassionate.
What NOT to Say (Please Read This Twice)
Now let’s talk about the phrases that cause damage.
Do Not Say:
“You look fine.”This dismisses internal distress. I heard this once. And I remember thinking, “Then why do I feel like I’m drowning?”
“Just eat healthier.”Eating disorders are not solved by tips.
“At least you’re not anorexic.”All eating disorders are serious.
“Why can’t you control yourself?”Shame already lives there.
“It’s just emotional eating.”Minimizing language increases secrecy.
If you wouldn’t say it to someone with depression, don’t say it here.
How to Support Someone With an Eating Disorder
Step 1: Regulate Yourself First
If you’re anxious, they will feel it. Stay calm.
Step 2: Express Concern, Not Criticism
Focus on observable behaviors, not body size.
Step 3: Encourage Professional Help
Offer to help research therapists or eating disorder recovery resources.
Step 4: Respect Boundaries
You cannot force recovery.
Step 5: Stay Consistent
Check-ins matter more than grand speeches.
Support is not dramatic. It’s steady.
Special Considerations for Black Women and People of Color and EDs
Eating disorders in Black women and people of color are underdiagnosed and undertreated.
Cultural stigma, medical bias, and the “strong Black woman” narrative create additional barriers.
If you’re supporting a Black woman or person of color:
Validate her experience without minimizing cultural context
Avoid stereotypes about who “gets” eating disorders
Help her find culturally competent providers
Representation impacts outcomes.
When It’s Time for Immediate Help
If you notice:
Suicidal statements
Severe medical symptoms
Rapid weight changes
Fainting
Substance misuse
Seek professional intervention immediately.
Here are eating disorder recovery resources:
National Eating Disorders Association
Helpline: 1–800–931–2237
Beat
Helpline: 0808 801 0677
These organizations provide screening tools, referrals, and crisis support.
What Recovery Actually Looks Like
Recovery is not a straight line.
It includes:
Relapses
Therapy sessions
Food exposure work
Emotional processing
Learning hunger and fullness cues
Nervous system regulation
As someone 10 years in remission, I can tell you this:
The goal is not perfection.The goal is freedom.
Freedom from secrecy.Freedom from food obsession.Freedom from self-hate.
If you’re a friend, your role is not therapist. Your role is witness. Anchor. Safe place.
Final Word to Support Systems
If someone trusted you enough to let you see their struggle, that’s sacred.
Don’t panic.Don’t lecture.Don’t disappear.
Stay steady.
Eating disorders are common. They thrive in silence. They can be deadly when left untreated. But early, informed support changes trajectories.
Your words matter.
Your presence matters.
And sometimes the sentence that saves someone is simply:
“I’m not going anywhere.”
If this manual helped you understand how to support someone with an eating disorder, share it. Conversations save lives.
Eating disorders survive in silence. Recovery grows in safe rooms. Be the safe room. -Dr. Nikki LeToya White
If You’re Overwhelmed, Start Here
Join Gutty Girl Letters.
If this article stirred something in you — don’t let that moment pass.
Healing from binge eating disorder and codependency isn’t built on hype. It’s built on steady support, honest conversations, and tools you can actually use on hard days.
That’s why I created Gutty Girl Letters on Substack.
Inside, you’ll get:
Real stories from my 10 years in full remission
Trauma-informed recovery tools that calm overwhelm
Structured nutrition guidance without shame
Nervous system regulation practices that stop spirals
Boundaries, abandonment healing, and emotional sobriety
No fluff. No toxic positivity. No “just love yourself” advice.
Just grounded, lived experience and clear steps you can apply immediately.
If you’re tired of struggling silently…If you’re waiting to feel ready…If you want support that feels safe and honest…
Come join us.
Subscribe to Gutty Girl Letters on Substack and take your next step toward recovery today.
Your courage doesn’t have to be loud.It just has to be real.
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ARE YOU LOOKING TO DIVE DEEPER INTO SELF-CARE?
I Can Help in Developing A Plan For Self Care
Do you want help developing a self-care plan that works for your own busy schedule? Do you want accountability in implementing a self-care plan? If you or someone you love is struggling to maintain optimal mental and emotional health, consider reaching out to Spiced Life Conversation Art Wellness Studio and Botanica. We are a Metro Atlanta, Conyers Georgia area. We are a coaching and counseling practice with empathetic, skilled counselors and recovery coaches who can help you set goals, develop a self-care routine, and move forward to build a more fulfilling life. Our team would be happy to work with you either just for a couple of sessions to develop and implement a Self-care plan or longer term to work toward overall better mental health within our membership site or other programs.
About The Author: Dr. Nikki LeToya White MSEd-TL, Ph.D. RHN is the founder, director, and full-time board-certified trauma-informed nutritionist, folk herbalist, and wellness consultant at Spiced Life Conversation Art Wellness Studio and Botanica. She created Spiced Life Conversation, LLC Art Wellness Studio, and Botanica to provide the Metro Atlanta area with counseling and coaching services where clients are carefully matched with the right program for healing abandonment and childhood emotional neglect trauma that cause codependency, emotional eating, financial stress, and imposter syndrome as it relates to the fear of success and being abandon. We help you begin your emotional healing journey with ease. Recently, we have expanded to include an online membership site so we now provide support to people living all over the world. All of our recovery coaches provide at least one evidence-based treatment to assist in your recovery. Dr. White is a big proponent of self-care and helping people live a fulfilling life! She has been in full remission with both codependency and emotional binge eating disorder since 2016. In living a life in recovery from sugar addiction. I love my low-sugar balanced lifestyle.
Best Regards
Dr. Nikki LeToya White
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