Are You A People Pleaser? Spiced Life Conversation Can Help With That...

Dr. Nikki LeToya White

As a fellow people-pleaser and binge eating disorder survivor with abandonment and childhood emotional neglect trauma issues, I've learned some empowering ways to break free from that cycle and set healthy boundaries.

Personally, saying “yes” when I mean “no,” or not telling people when I am disappointed, or not holding them accountable for things they agreed to or should be doing, at work or in my personal life, causes me all sorts of problems.

First, it makes me unhappy, sleep poorly, angry, and irritated, and the stress it causes me makes me feel tired and icky. And it creates more messiness in my life. It always backfires.

This is how I stopped being a people pleaser and escaping with food and learn to set boundaries

Let's dive in:

Know Your Limits and Set Boundaries:

Understand my own needs and limits. I had to learn that it's okay to say no when something doesn't align with my well-being. By being specific about what I’m willing to take on. Communicate my boundaries clearly and unapologetically.

Start Small:

Next, I had to take baby steps by saying no to minor requests. Gradually build my “Strong Voice” assertiveness muscle. Telling myself every day,

“Nikki, Remember, it's not selfish to prioritize your own needs.”

Set Goals and Priorities:

I had to also learn how to define what truly matters to me. Then, prioritize those things over people-pleasing and self-abandonment. By focusing on what aligns with my values and long-term goals.

Stall for Time:

When faced with a request, I had to calm down and not feel pressured to respond immediately. Instead, take a breath, assess, and decide if it's something I genuinely want to do or not.

Assess the Request:

Ask yourself: Is this request reasonable? Does it align with my priorities?

Next, consider the impact on your time, energy, and emotional well-being, this is how I learned to make better decisions for myself by asking questions in a way that considered and validated my needs. I’ve been so used to people making me feel ignored and less than this way I make sure my needs and voice are heard.

Avoid Making Excuses:

I had to learn the hard way that I didn't need to justify my boundaries. A simple "no" suffices. Then, trust that others will respect my decision.

Remember the Give-and-Take in Relationships:

I’ve learned throughout my journey of onesided relationships and being a natural caregiver and nurturer that healthy relationships involve reciprocity. It's not all about pleasing others. Balance your own needs with supporting others.

Help When You Want To:

Finally, offer assistance because you genuinely want to, not out of obligation. This was a big lesson for me. I had to learn to choose kindness without sacrificing my own well-being.

Remember, you're not alone on this journey. Celebrate each step toward self-empowerment, and know that setting boundaries is an act of self-love. 🌸 

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Dealing with Guilt When Setting Boundaries:

Setting boundaries can trigger feelings of guilt, but it’s essential to prioritize your well-being.

Here are some strategies:

Acknowledge the Guilt Reflex:

• Understand that maintaining healthy boundaries might initially make you feel guilty. It’s okay; you’re prioritizing yourself.

• Recognize that saying no is a valid choice.

Focus on the Yes:

• Instead of dwelling on what you’re saying no to, consider what you’re saying yes to.

• You’re affirming your needs and self-worth.

Avoid Over-Explaining:

• You don’t owe anyone a lengthy justification for your boundaries.

• Keep it simple and assertive.

Remember Your Why:

• Reflect on why you’re setting boundaries. It’s about self-care, respect, and balance.

• Remind yourself of your worth.

Affirmations for Self-Worth:

1. “I am worthy of love and respect.”

2. “I am enough exactly as I am.”

3. “I deserve to pursue my dreams.”

4. “My needs matter.”

5. “I am valuable.”

6. “I radiate self-confidence.”

7. “I am gentle with myself.”

8. “I look exactly the way I’m supposed to.”

Remember, you’re deserving of love, kindness, and respect—especially from yourself! 🌟

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ARE YOU LOOKING TO DIVE DEEPER INTO SELF-CARE?

I Can Help in Developing A Plan For Self Care

Do you want help developing a self-care plan that works for your own busy schedule? Do you want accountability in implementing a self-care plan? If you or someone you love is struggling to maintain optimal mental and emotional health, consider reaching out to Spiced Life Conversation Art Wellness Studio and Botanica. We are a Metro Atlanta, Conyers Georgia area. We are a coaching and counseling practice with empathetic, skilled counselors and recovery coaches who can help you set goals, develop a self-care routine, and move forward to build a more fulfilling life. Our team would be happy to work with you either just for a couple of sessions to develop and implement a Self-care plan or longer term to work toward overall better mental health within our membership site or other programs.

Dr. Nikki LeToya White

About The Author:

Dr. Nikki LeToya White MSEd-TL, Ph.D. RHN is the founder, director, and full-time board-certified trauma-informed nutritionist, folk herbalist, and wellness consultant at Spiced Life Conversation Art Wellness Studio and Botanica. She created Spiced Life Conversation, LLC Art Wellness Studio, and Botanica to provide the Metro Atlanta area with counseling and coaching services where clients are carefully matched with the right program for healing abandonment and childhood emotional neglect trauma that cause codependency, emotional eating, financial stress, and imposter syndrome as it relates to the fear of success and being abandon. We help you begin your emotional healing journey with ease. Recently, we have expanded to include an online membership site so we now provide support to people living all over the world. All of our recovery coaches provide at least one evidence-based treatment to assist in your recovery. Dr. White is a big proponent of self-care and helping people live a fulfilling life! She has been in full remission with both codependency and emotional binge eating disorder since 2016. In living a life in recovery from sugar addiction. I love my low-sugar balanced lifestyle.

Best Regard

Dr. Nikki LeToya White