I didn’t always know I was abandoning myself.
As a child, I felt the weight of absence—my mother left me to live with my great-grandmother, my father was not present, and my family struggled to show emotion even while meeting my physical needs. I learned early that love wasn’t about attention, understanding, or presence—it was about surviving.
As an adult, I tried to do it all: being a trucker's wife, a mother of 4, an only child, a counselor, a support for everyone around me. I thought putting others first was love. I thought it was what kept connection alive.
But slowly, quietly, I disappeared inside my own life.
I waited to watch movies until my husband came home from the road.
I waited to take trips, to invest in myself, to even spend time alone.
I ignored my own dreams to focus on his trucking business, his schedule, his needs.
And I thought I was happy… until I wasn’t. I realized I was not just a trucker wife, I was a LonerWife, married but living apart as a single mom.
Years of small self-abandonments added up. Panic attacks, anxiety, and feelings of emptiness began to surface. I realized that my nervous system was telling me something I’d ignored for decades: I didn’t know how to live for me.
I had been putting myself last for so long that I didn’t know what it felt like to trust myself, to make my own decisions, to feel safe expanding my life.
If this story feels familiar, you’re not alone. Many women quietly disappear inside their own lives. Their world looks fine from the outside:
Marriage
Kids
Responsibilities
Stability
But inside, they feel like they’re slowly fading from their own story.
And here’s the truth: you don’t have to destroy your relationships to reclaim yourself. You just have to stop abandoning yourself.
Recovery begins with small acts of self-loyalty:
Saying yes to something just for you
Setting one boundary
Investing time in your interests
Speaking honestly about what you need
These small steps rebuild self-trust, the foundation of confidence, clarity, and freedom.
Download the Gutty Girl Life Audit and start noticing the small ways you’ve been putting yourself last.
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Updated: Jun 10, 2025
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