Part 1: Breaking the cycle of codependency, one-sided relationships, and healing the abandonment wound once and for all

The power of a life audit with Dr. Nikki LeToya White — Get your house in order.

Dr. Nikki LeToya White, Trauma-Informed Nutritionist and Recovery Coach

This is part one of Breaking the Cycle of Codependency, One-Sided Relationships, and Healing the Abandonment Wound Once and for All.

I was reading Iyanla Vanzant’s In The Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want. She shows how the chaos of our lives and relationships often comes from unhealed wounds, outdated beliefs, and emotional clutter. Using the metaphor of a house in need of a deep clean, she helps you uncover and release the fears, patterns, and past hurts that block love from shining in.

It made me think about my own healing path — becoming unstuck from a one-sided relationship as a new trucker’s wife. I was craving love but unsure how to hold on to it while my husband was a thousand miles away and our schedules kept colliding. Long-distance marriage can be confusing, painful, and heartbreaking. For me, it was also healing — it put me on the path of facing my abandonment wound and stepping into my life’s calling as a counselor.

As a young trucker’s wife, I was in the middle of a self-love walk. I could see why love wasn’t working, but I had no clue how to fix it. I was trying to break free from old emotional habits, but didn’t know what new ones to build. I was searching for self-worth and purpose without even knowing what either really meant.

What I now know: all the pain I was numbing with food was actually preparing my heart, mind, and life for the love I deserved — and the strong marriage I live in now.

Keep reading, because I want to share the lessons I’ve learned and the transformation I’ve lived through.

My Aha moment…

After years of heartache, I realized I’m not weak at boundary setting. I can walk the middle road of moderation in friendships, family, and even at work. I’ve always had no problem pulling back when manipulation or selfishness shows up. I’m not afraid to lose friends or family who drain me — I’m an only child, so I know how to stand alone. At jobs, if my well-being is at risk, I may wrestle with it for a while, but I’ll walk away. I proved that a few weeks ago. Read more about that here.

But in romance? Different story. In love, I give an inch, then a mile, then lose myself. I start talking myself out of my own boundaries — “maybe I’m being too rigid.” That’s when confusion sets in, and I stop standing up for myself. It only happens in intimate relationships, because that’s where my fear of loss lives.

When I’m in love, I can slide into unhealthy patterns — giving up self-respect, people-pleasing not just my partner but their family and friends too. I shrink hobbies, job opportunities, time with loved ones — all so the relationship stays intact. And once I do that, I’m lost.

That’s when I know the abandonment trap is triggered, feeding my separation anxiety and codependent thinking. As a child, my fantasy was to have a family of my own. That fantasy built an illusion, setting me up for disappointment and self-abandonment.

Healing taught me this: I’m not a victim. I’m a grown woman carrying a wounded inner child. My work is learning to say “no,” set boundaries, and refuse emotional abuse while healing trauma and addiction. When I finally chose myself — loving, respecting, and approving of who I am — things shifted. I stopped over-giving. I spoke up when I needed support. I participated fully in relationships instead of disappearing into people-pleasing.

But learning the lesson doesn’t mean the tests stop. God, or the divine, will keep bringing people and scenarios to see if I’ll stay the course or fall back into old habits. It’s begins with you and I to choose to stay the course. Because, we all have “soul contracts” — challenges and life lessons we’re meant to face in this lifetime.

If my story feels familiar, I invite you to reflect on yours. Do a mini life audit. People like us have to check in often to make sure our needs are respected, our voices heard, and our values honored.

Ask yourself:

• Am I putting in too much or too little energy in this relationship?

• Is there a balance between giving and receiving?

• Does my effort make me feel confident — or inadequate?

• Do the people in my life know where my boundaries are?

The answers will guide you back to self-respect and into healthier, balanced relationships — ones built on shared goals, not just someone else’s agenda.

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ARE YOU LOOKING TO DIVE DEEPER INTO SELF-CARE?

I Can Help in Developing A Plan For Self Care

 Do you want help developing a self-care plan that works for your own busy schedule? Do you want accountability in implementing a self-care plan? If you or someone you love is struggling to maintain optimal mental and emotional health, consider reaching out to Spiced Life Conversation Art Wellness Studio and Botanica. We are a Metro Atlanta, Conyers Georgia area. We are a coaching and counseling practice with empathetic, skilled counselors and recovery coaches who can help you set goals, develop a self-care routine, and move forward to build a more fulfilling life. Our team would be happy to work with you either just for a couple of sessions to develop and implement a Self-care plan or longer term to work toward overall better mental health within our membership site or other programs.

About The Author:  Dr. Nikki LeToya White MSEd-TL, Ph.D. RHN is the founder, director, and full-time board-certified trauma-informed nutritionist, folk herbalist, and wellness consultant at Spiced Life Conversation Art Wellness Studio and Botanica. She created Spiced Life Conversation, LLC Art Wellness Studio, and Botanica to provide the Metro Atlanta area with counseling and coaching services where clients are carefully matched with the right program for healing abandonment and childhood emotional neglect trauma that cause codependency, emotional eating, financial stress, and imposter syndrome as it relates to the fear of success and being abandon. We help you begin your emotional healing journey with ease. Recently, we have expanded to include an online membership site so we now provide support to people living all over the world. All of our recovery coaches provide at least one evidence-based treatment to assist in your recovery. Dr. White is a big proponent of self-care and helping people live a fulfilling life! She has been in full remission with both codependency and emotional binge eating disorder since 2016. In living a life in recovery from sugar addiction. I love my low-sugar balanced lifestyle.

Best Regards

 Dr. Nikki LeToya White