I'm celebrating my third year in full remission in my binge eating disorder. I'm so proud. Last year I talked about the critic that had a stronghold on my thoughts and attitudes towards recovery.
What I can say is that this voice, “the discourager,” has not gone away, but thanks to tools, spiritual practices and support from spiritual teacher, it has much less power and influence than when I first began my journey out from under it. These tools have helped to save my life and take practice to use them. It was far from easy and comfortable, and doing this work has been vital and necessary for my healing every single day as I find myself waking up at 4am to do the work needed to heal, grow and recover. That is the double edge of recovery, so to speak. It didn’t seem fair that my family, culture and society helped to install this voice in my head and now I had to do the work to challenge it. But hey, I'm chosen to be the one to break the cycle of generational trauma, dysfunction, and emotional wounds from childhood emotional neglect and a sense of abandonment. I was told once by a fellow self healer in recovery that on the other side of this pain was the priceless gift of wisdom and freedom for the next generation. That felt so true for me as I thought about my four kids. I've done all I could to make sure they know they are loved and wanted and to support them not only physically but emotionally as well. I now know what she meant. This wisdom has been the most powerful tool not just for my recovery but for building a life worth living in the space between that unworthy voice and who I really am.
So my message to all of you thinking about beginning your own emotional journey do it. You will not regret it. It will be the best decision you ever made. Just know that with this journey comes hard work, it ain't easy. But it is worthy it. The hardest hurdle when it came to challenging this thinking was self-judgment. There was so much shame in my relationship with myself. Shame is the feeling that I am the flaw, I am the mistake, or something is wrong with me for thinking and feeling this way and behaving with escaping with food. Something got to be wrong with me right! The best way I can describe shame is that it is like making a mess out of a mess rather than asking for help to clean it up. for a long time I kept my disease and binge eating eating diagnosed to myself. As a sugar addict, I felt misunderstood. I feared no one would understand why it was hard for me to not escape with food in times of stress. I never felt like anyone would understand how I felt when I couldn't control or manage my life as a trucker wife. No one could ever understand how food could be a addiction that I use to destroy myself. No matter how ashamed I felt I had to get sober to be a healthy example to my four children. I had to counter this judgment and shame with radical acceptance, self respect, and self love. Can I meet this critical voice and thoughts with curiosity rather than blame and judgment, was the question my spiritual teacher continue to ask me each day? While my eating disorder and food addiction offered a temporary escape from these beliefs and feelings, acceptance and curiosity allowed me to challenge them, to learn from them and to ultimately change them. I have learned that shame is never helpful. It is useless and limiting. Now when I catch myself in shame around thoughts or situations, I become curious and ask myself questions rather than let the shame bash me or make a bigger mess of my life. Shadow Work Journaling is what has save my life. A simple notebook to express how I feel and finally have a voice opposed to suppressing the pain. If you haven't tried journaling I highly recommend you start. Just like art and nature heals. Writing heals.
Don't have a journal grab one today here.
ARE YOU LOOKING TO DIVE DEEPER INTO SELF-CARE?
I Can Help in Developing A Plan For Self Care
Do you want help developing a self care plan that works for your own busy schedule? Do you want accountability implementing a self care plan? If you or someone you love is struggling to maintain optimal mental and emotional health, consider reaching out to Spiced Life Conversation Art Wellness Studio and Botanica. We are a Metro Atlanta, Conyers Georgia area. We are a coaching and counseling practice with empathetic, skilled counselors and recovery coaches who can help you set goals, develop a self care routine and move forward to build a more fulfilling life. Our team would be happy to work with you either just for a couple of sessions to develop and implement a Self Care plan or longer term to work toward overall better mental health within our membership site or other programs to assist your life in recovery.
About The Author:
Dr. Nikki LeToya White MSEd-TL, Ph.D. RHN is the founder, director and a full time board certified trauma-informed nutritionist, folk herbalist, and wellness consultant at Spiced Life Conversation Art Wellness Studio and Botanica. She created Spiced Life Conversation, LLC Art Wellness Studio and Botanica to provide the Metro Atlanta area with a counseling and coaching services where clients are carefully matched with the right program for healing abandonment and childhood emotional neglect trauma that cause codependency, emotional eating, financial stress, and imposter syndrome as it relates to fear of success and being abandon. We help you begin your emotional healing journey with ease. Recently, we have expanded to include online membership site so we now provide support to people living all over the world. All of our recovery coaches provide at least one evidence based treatment to assist in your recovery. Dr. White is a big proponent of self care and helping people live a fulfilling life in full remission of binge eating disorder and general healthy eating habits! She has been in full remission with both codependency and emotional binge eating disorder since 2016. In live a life in recovery from sugar addiction. Loving her low sugar balance lifestyle.
Dr. Nikki LeToya White