Codependency and Emotional Eating Recovery: One-Sided Relationships — Signs You’re Giving More Than You Should

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For a long time, I thought I was just “the strong one.”

The dependable one.The emotionally aware one.The one who could hold space, anticipate needs, smooth tension, and keep everything from falling apart.

I didn’t call it a one-sided relationship.I called it love. Responsibility. Commitment. Being mature.

But deep down, I was tired.

Not the kind of tired sleep fixes.The kind that comes from constantly pouring into others while quietly running on empty.

And if I’m honest, food became the only place where I stopped giving.

That’s when I had to face the truth: I wasn’t just in one-sided relationships. I was trained for them.

What One-Sided Relationships Really Feel Like

A one-sided relationship isn’t always loud or dramatic. Sometimes it looks calm on the outside. Functional. Even “healthy” to people looking in.

But inside, it feels like this:

You’re always doing more emotional labor.You’re thinking about their needs before they think about yours.You’re adjusting, accommodating, explaining, reminding, fixing.

And when you finally feel depleted enough to need something back, you hesitate to ask.

Not because you don’t deserve it.But because you already know the answer.

One-sided relationships lack mutuality. There’s no rhythm of give and take—just a steady outflow from one person and quiet receiving from the other.

Over time, that imbalance doesn’t just affect the relationship.It affects how you see yourself.

The Signs You’re Giving More Than You Should

I didn’t wake up one day and decide to overgive. I slipped into it slowly, the way many of us do—especially those of us with trauma histories, high empathy, or codependent patterns.

Here are the signs I wish I’d paid attention to sooner:

You feel like you’re always putting more into the relationship than you’re getting back.Not just occasionally—but consistently.

Your partner doesn’t seem curious about you as a person.Your thoughts, goals, feelings, or inner world don’t get much airtime.

You make sacrifices they wouldn’t make for you.You adjust your schedule, energy, boundaries, or dreams—and they don’t even notice.

Promises are broken regularly.Apologies come easily. Change doesn’t.

Your care feels expected, not appreciated.What you give is treated as normal, not valued.

You’re labeled demanding or controlling when you speak up.As if wanting reciprocity is somehow unreasonable.

You’re reluctant to ask for anything.You’ve learned it’s easier to need less than to risk disappointment.

Their needs always come first.Even when you’re struggling.

You feel responsible for fixing or rescuing them.Their growth feels like your job.

And underneath it all?Resentment. Frustration. Emotional exhaustion.

If this sounds familiar, pause.This isn’t a character flaw. It’s a pattern.

How Caretaking Turns Into Self-Abandonment

Unhealthy caretaking often starts with good intentions.

You love deeply.You’re empathetic.You know what it’s like to feel unseen.

So you give what you wish you had received.

But somewhere along the way, caretaking crosses into codependency.

Instead of two whole people supporting each other, the relationship becomes uneven. One person grows dependent. The other becomes depleted.

And here’s the part no one tells you:Trying harder doesn’t fix a one-sided relationship.

It burns you out.

What Actually Happens When You Overgive

Your needs disappear.You’re so focused on meeting their needs that you stop asking what you want. Rest, joy, connection, self-care—all feel secondary. Sometimes undeserved.

You stop taking care of yourself.You skip time with friends. You abandon hobbies. Movement, creativity, pleasure get put on hold. Spending time or money on yourself starts to feel wrong.

You become resentful—and then ashamed for feeling resentful.You tell yourself you chose this. That you shouldn’t complain. That being frustrated makes you selfish.

You start trying to change them.You suggest therapy. Books. Programs. Meetings. You work harder than they do to save the relationship. And when nothing changes, you feel defeated.

You lose yourself.Your world shrinks around the relationship. Your identity becomes “the one who holds it together.”

This is where emotional eating often shows up—not as a lack of discipline, but as relief.

Food becomes the one place where you stop being responsible for everyone else.

Why Some of Us Stay So Long

People don’t stay in one-sided relationships because they don’t see the imbalance.

They stay because leaving feels like failure, abandonment, or danger.

If you grew up feeling unseen, neglected, or emotionally unsafe, being needed can feel like proof of worth. Overgiving becomes a way to secure connection.

You learn:

• If I do more, maybe I’ll finally be chosen.

• If I ask for less, I won’t be rejected.

• If I hold everything together, I won’t be alone.

That belief system doesn’t disappear just because you’re an adult now.

But it can be challenged.

The Shift: From Caretaking to Self-Respect

Healing isn’t about becoming cold or selfish.It’s about restoring balance.

Here’s what actually helped me step out of one-sided dynamics.

1. I Started Meeting My Own Emotional Needs

I had to ask myself a hard question:If I gave myself even half the care I give others, what would change?

I began offering myself compassion instead of criticism. Rest instead of guilt. Permission instead of punishment.

Self-care wasn’t indulgent.It was corrective.

2. I Learned to Set Boundaries Without Explaining Them to Death

Boundaries aren’t ultimatums.They’re clarity.

I stopped over-explaining my needs.I stopped negotiating my limits.

Boundaries taught me something powerful: people who respect you don’t need convincing.

3. I Started Asking Directly for What I Needed

This was uncomfortable.

I had to unlearn the belief that asking made me needy. I practiced saying what I wanted clearly—without apologizing, hinting, or softening the message to protect someone else’s comfort.

Some people responded.Some didn’t.

That information mattered.

4. I Considered My Options Honestly

This part requires courage.

Not all one-sided relationships can be fixed.

If you’ve communicated clearly, set boundaries, and asked for change—and nothing shifts—you’re left with a choice:

Accept the relationship as it is.Or choose yourself.

Neither option is easy.But staying silent is still a choice—and it has a cost.

What Healthy Relationships Actually Require

Healthy relationships aren’t perfect. But they are mutual.

Both people:

• Take responsibility for their emotions

• Show interest in each other’s inner worlds

• Offer care without keeping score

• Respect boundaries

• Grow independently and together

You don’t have to earn this kind of relationship by suffering.

You deserve it because you exist.

Final Truth

One-sided relationships don’t fall apart because you stop giving.

They fall apart because they were never built on reciprocity.

You are not asking for too much.You are asking the wrong person—or asking from a place that taught you to accept less.

Recovery—whether from codependency, emotional eating, or burnout—begins when you stop abandoning yourself to keep others comfortable.

You don’t have to prove your worth through exhaustion.

You are allowed to receive.

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ARE YOU LOOKING TO DIVE DEEPER INTO SELF-CARE?

I Can Help in Developing A Plan For Self Care

 Do you want help developing a self-care plan that works for your own busy schedule? Do you want accountability in implementing a self-care plan? If you or someone you love is struggling to maintain optimal mental and emotional health, consider reaching out to Spiced Life Conversation Art Wellness Studio and Botanica. We are a Metro Atlanta, Conyers Georgia area. We are a coaching and counseling practice with empathetic, skilled counselors and recovery coaches who can help you set goals, develop a self-care routine, and move forward to build a more fulfilling life. Our team would be happy to work with you either just for a couple of sessions to develop and implement a Self-care plan or longer term to work toward overall better mental health within our membership site or other programs.

About The Author:  Dr. Nikki LeToya White MSEd-TL, Ph.D. RHN is the founder, director, and full-time board-certified trauma-informed nutritionist, folk herbalist, and wellness consultant at Spiced Life Conversation Art Wellness Studio and Botanica. She created Spiced Life Conversation, LLC Art Wellness Studio, and Botanica to provide the Metro Atlanta area with counseling and coaching services where clients are carefully matched with the right program for healing abandonment and childhood emotional neglect trauma that cause codependency, emotional eating, financial stress, and imposter syndrome as it relates to the fear of success and being abandon. We help you begin your emotional healing journey with ease. Recently, we have expanded to include an online membership site so we now provide support to people living all over the world. All of our recovery coaches provide at least one evidence-based treatment to assist in your recovery. Dr. White is a big proponent of self-care and helping people live a fulfilling life! She has been in full remission with both codependency and emotional binge eating disorder since 2016. In living a life in recovery from sugar addiction. I love my low-sugar balanced lifestyle.

Best Regards

Dr. Nikki LeToya White